Writer

Tag: AFib

OCTOBER, A MONTH WHEN I DO THINGS FOR MY FUTURE SELF

This month I didn’t meet my short-term writing goals of chapter revision which means I won’t reach my long-term goal of having a complete draft of my Armenian family memoir finished before my sixtieth birthday in February. I’ve written before about what is needed to do the writing: time and headspace. This month both of those were in short supply as I prepared for, had, and recovered from a cardiac ablation, a medical procedure to put, hopefully, an end to my atrial fibrillation (AFib) episodes.

What I did do this month, I did for my future self. I gave my future self a shot at a better physical outcome, and I’m moving the goal posts on the timeframe for a complete draft.

Work: After debating last month whether to push forward with my current draft or start over from the beginning with a new draft, I did neither. But I did set up my future self to be able to do either or both of those things. What time and headspace I did have for creative pursuits went into the creative nonfiction workshop that wraps up this week. The structure of the workshop kept me focused. Every Wednesday I submitted a chapter with context and questions, and by Sunday I’d read and given feedback on the other participants’ work. The workshop feedback on my work has given my future self a road map for revisions of the individual chapters and much to consider in the overall structure and story of the book.

Whether it’s health or household related, creative or work related, you can take actions now that make for better outcomes for your future self. What could you do in the present as a gift for your future self?

Wonder: Wonder why we are still changing the clocks? In 2019, the Washington State legislature passed a bill to remain year round on Daylight Savings Time. But to do so requires the approval of the federal government, which hasn’t taken action. The last two years a bipartisan group of  Washington State senators put forth a bill to have the state remain on Standard Time, which doesn’t require the approval of the federal government. But the bill never made it out of committee.

I am team Standard Time. Standard Time is better for school children and doesn’t require the approval of the federal government. Arizona and Hawaii are both already on standard time. In the 1970s, the whole country stayed on daylight savings time and hated it but that fact isn’t brought up in any of the current discussions over which time to stay on. Meanwhile this weekend we’ll return to Standard Time with more light in the mornings making it easier to start our days and with safer commutes for school children and everyone else.

How will your future self feel this weekend when the clocks fall back an hour?

Windows:

SEPTEMBER, A MONTH OF CHANGES

While August was a month in which to soak up the warmth and outdoor activity of the summer season, September was a month of seasonal changes, especially as the month drew to a close, including the temperature (dropping, a bit quickly this year it seems), leaves shifting their color palette (a pleasure of this season), and the outside focus (a last camping trip) turning inward (cue the list of indoor projects).

Of course, the autumn weather will often be inviting, there is still the list of outdoor tasks to complete, and that finally final mowing, but the slowing rhythm of the season felt in the later sunrise and earlier sunset draws me inward.

Work: For me, the rhythm of my WIP (work in progress) has shifted from actively working on the second (or twenty-third, depending on how you tally) draft of my Armenian family memoir to participating in a creative nonfiction workshop where I’m receiving feedback on the first seven chapters, one week at a time. The feedback I’m receiving is making me consider returning, once again, to the beginning and starting yet another draft. I’ve known such a revision would be necessary but now, with the feedback, I’m starting to see the potential shape that new draft might take. Another part of me wants to keep pushing forward with the current draft, in my longing to have a whole complete thing, regardless of its merit. And I’m still lacking a structure to write into, at least one I can articulate to myself.

What are the pros and cons of starting over? Is there a value in pushing forward?

Wonder: Have you ever wondered what it is like to have a MRI? I have heard that procedure mentioned over the course of my life mostly in the context of an expensive last-resort or absolutely necessary scan. Recently, I had my first MRI, to check out my heart due to my abnormal heart rhythm, i.e., atrial fibrillation. First, let me say yay for the scientific minds that created this modern medical device that helps so many. But mostly I want to say WTF—a narrow tube? Why couldn’t it be something less confining, less tomb-like? And did I mention I have claustrophobia? In addition, MRI machines are the opposite of quiet. Great bursts of sounds similar to a car horn and grinding gears and a house alarm, so loud you are required to wear ear protection. While I’m grateful to find out that in spite of my atrial fibrillation, my heart is otherwise healthy, I have a new life goal, which isn’t entirely under my control: to never have another MRI.

Have you had an MRI? How did the experience go for you? How did you manage any anxiety you may have had?

Windows: The birds and squirrels know that change is upon us and are busy consuming and collecting food. Our large dogwood tree bloomed spectacularly this spring and the result is now being appreciated by the creatures as they feast upon the seedpods. The squirrels, robins, and flickers are exuberant eaters, scattering the chaff all over the deck and brick walkway.

JUNE, A MONTH OF GLOOM AND BLOOM

I’ve been mentioning flowers in almost every blog this year, not just in the Windows section but in the opening paragraphs. Bits of color holding my attention, lightening my mood, and lifting my energy. June is no different—purple and white lupine, wild daisies, yellow buttercup. June has been alternating between sunny summery weather and dark gray rainy days. Tee shirt or shirt, fleece, and vest. Flip flops or wool socks and boots. But this is not a surprise; this is the nature of June in the Pacific Northwest.

Last month I wrote about a health issue, AFib, which took me by surprise. After having a sleep study confirm I have a moderate case of sleep apnea, the beginning of this month I started using a CPAP machine, and for the last seventeen days I’ve had no episodes of AFib. Seems a bit too easy. Well it’s not that easy—I’m still getting used to wearing the lovely nasal mask which can disrupt my sleep while also helping me sleep better. The no-AFib episodes is a big motivator to keep at it.

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MAY, A MONTH OF FLOWERS

April’s bounty, and showers, continue with this month’s collection of blossoms: pink columbine, purple rhododendron, red salvia, sweet woodruff, and the sweet perfume of lilacs and lilies of the valley . . . to name a few.

This month also marks a year since I began blogging again. Writing can be a lonely occupation, so thank you for following along with my writing journey, responding to my assorted wonderings, and gazing out my windows with me at the beauty that resides there. Your comments, suggestions, and questions have made me feel in community with each one of you. I look forward to continuing these conversations. (If you don’t already, please consider subscribing to my blog. Thanks!)

In addition, it’s been a year of tending to my health, including physical therapy and mental health therapy, and discovering I have a heart condition, atrial fibrillation, commonly referred to as AFib. Remember how tired I was in December? Part of being tired was three months of heart problems that I kept attributing to other things: anxiety, panic attacks, sleep deprivation, and dehydration. I have a cardiologist now, and medication, and some ongoing issues we’re still figuring out.

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